Homemaking Routines Begin with Rest

Pillars of Homemaking Series

Resting by John Singer Sargent, c.1880-1890

What is the Difference between a Rhythm and a Routine?

• Rhythms are how we move through the seasons of life according to our identity, values and priorities.

• A routine is the practical, daily working out of a rhythm.

• Like a heartbeat, or the beat of a song, rhythms tend to repeat throughout and direct the overall trajectory our lives.

• Routines are flexible and often changing because they are affected by the different seasons we go through. Our flesh will crave the false security of a routine that never changes, but routines must shift to match the season we are in.

• Routines are helpful tools to live out the rhythms we value, they are not permanent boundary lines.

Here are a few guidelines to ensure that your homemaking routines are helping not hindering your value-based family rhythms.

• Always Evaluate & Be Flexible: Whether it’s our laundry routine, cleaning routine, Bible study routine, bedtime routine or any other routine, we should always be open to adjustment according to our current season, in ways that facilitate rhythms of worship, work, rest and play in our home.

• Fruitfulness over Efficiency: Yes, there is value in working smarter, not harder. Efficiency has its place in homemaking, but our ultimate aim in the running of our home and cultivating a holy home culture is not efficiency it is faithfulness leading to fruitfulness.

• Grow Where God Has You: As believers in Christ we are secure in our identity and called to the purpose of glorifying Him. We are all given a certain amount of raw materials, strengths, values and gifts to work with. The pasture is wide and the options are endless as to how we use those materials in our homemaking to establish good rhythms and routines. So don’t compare to another homemaker’s rhythms and routines or to another season you would rather be in, one that may seem less fraught with interruptions or challenges. Cultivate faithfulness leading to fruitfulness right now by setting down deep roots in the truth of God’s word and looking for His character on display all around you.

• Leave Margin: Beware the temptation to micromanage every single bit of time with routines. Leave space in your days/months/seasons, not just for the unexpected, but for the capacity to hear and see the goodness of God.

4 Rhythms of Christian Life

In our Deep Dive episode on Rhythms & Routines, we present 4 Basic Rhythms of the Christian Life; Rest, Worship, Work, and Play. In the next few weeks, we will unpack each of these 4 rhythms as they apply specifically to the homemaker. Today, we begin with the Rhythm of Rest.

Rhythms of Rest for the Homemaker

The best nap I ever took was shortly after my first child was born. There's nothing quite like postpartum exhaustion, yet it is hard to rest when you are responsible for keeping a tiny human alive. Recovery from long labor, endless nursing and general new mom overwhelm was taking its toll. My mother-in-law had come to help, but I still felt the need to keep up with basic chores or at least to keep her company while she kept my house for me.

One day, after I'd nursed my daughter for the 100th time,  rather than letting me fold some laundry or sit chatting with her, she insisted I go lay down. Knowing that my daughter's belly was full, for a little while at least, and that my mother-in-law was very capable of taking care of her for an hour, I consented, retreating to the bedroom. My weary body instantly relaxed and settled into the deepest, most sound sleep I had ever experienced.

When I look back now at the gift of having my mother-in-law there to do the homemaking and help with the baby, I regret not resting more. If I'd known the strength and stamina that would be required of me in the weeks and months to follow, I would have taken every single opportunity to rest while I could, putting aside my pride, refusing to be ashamed of letting someone else do the work for me.

Homemaker, when was the last time you took a nap? Not because you were ill, but simply because your body needed a break. When was the last time you allowed someone else to bear your burden for a little while so that you could rest?

Rest for the homemaker is hard. You are always on. You live in your place of work. There is always more to do and the laundry cries out to be folded even though the clock reads well past five. Chores left undone at day's end can feel like a scarlet letter signifying that you are a slacker and not fulfilling your homemaking duties. But that is just not true, friend. Rest for your weary body and soul is necessary and possible, but it must start with and be sustained by the Source of true rest.

HOW TO REST

Start at the Source

Begin by resting in the finished work of Jesus. We can never truly rest until we stop trying to prove ourselves or earn our value, meaning, identity and worth through striving and doing more. You can never earn your salvation or work hard enough to secure an identity for yourself. Christ did all the necessary work to reconcile you to God, your true Source of identity, value, purpose and peace. When you trust in His work on your behalf, He gives you a new name and a new identity. You get to enter into abundant life that is neither earned nor lost by your homemaking, parenting, sourdough-making, commandment-keeping or any other of your works. For more on how to rest in Jesus see HERE.

Recognize and Live within Your Limits

Your body and spirit both require regular times of rest. God designed our bodies to need an extended time of rest every single day and He commanded His people to observe an entire day of rest every single week. We live under the New Covenant in Jesus now, so we no longer keep the Sabbath as one seeking to follow the law and earn righteousness. Having entered into the rest Jesus offers, we now carve out weekly and seasonal times of rest as a matter of wisdom according to the principles of scripture and living in tune with the rhythms of God's natural world, including our biology.

We are limited creatures who are continually trying to live beyond our limits. Just one more hour of work, just one more load of laundry before bed, just one more commitment

squeezed into an already full week. The opportunities to overextend ourselves are.....well, limitless. But we are not, and that is a good thing.

Our limitations point us to the One who IS limitless. He is not bound by time, space, or anything else. There's nothing that is too hard for Him. He is all-knowing, all-powerful and ever-present. He keeps the universe in place simply by the power of His word (Hebrews 1:3). Don't you think you can trust Him to hold your home together while you take a nap or go to bed at a reasonable time?

Some Practical Suggestions

Learn how to "clock out" every day. Decide what time is quitting time for you and honor it. Create an end of day "ritual" that helps to signal to your brain the work day is over. Something I do most days is turn on some music and light some candles. I usually do this before the final dinner prep, just before my husband gets home. I realize that dinner and clean up has to happen every day and can make it seem like you are still on the clock. But you can do a lot of that work earlier in the day if you plan correctly so that the time required at the dinner hour is minimized. You can also ask for help. 😉

Determine what is really necessary. Decide which daily tasks must happen in order to keep the home running smoothly. Ask your husband which of your homemaking tasks he values most and which ones are not all that important to him. You may be surprised by his answer. This exercise will help you operate out of realistic expectations rather than assumptions, freeing you up to create reasonable schedules with plenty of margin for daily and weekly rest.

Be willing to ask for and accept help. Life happens. Schedules change. Babies are born-hallelujah-. Sickness comes to stay a while. There are seasons where you will need to ask for help. Learn to recognize when you are reaching your limits. A good indicator is when rest begins to suffer. You are not getting to bed before midnight, or you are consistently cramming your weekends with all the things in order to just keep your head above water.

First ask yourself a few questions:

Are your expectations of what you can accomplish in this season realistic?

Can you cut back on some things?

Can you let a task go for a while?

If you find yourself unable to manage the essential tasks of the home without pushing beyond your limits, you are headed for burn out. It's time to ask for help. That help may come in many forms. Maybe you just need to restructure the family chore schedule and learn to delegate more to your kids. Maybe you need to hire a cleaner to come in once a month to help with the deep cleaning. Pray about it. Talk to your husband about it. Swallow your pride and let others help bear your burden for a while.

Make the most of your times of rest. Just as an end-of-day ritual can help you be off the clock, a bedtime ritual can help you prepare for restful sleep. Decide what your ritual will look like and commit to stick to it as often as you can. It's not that different than how you would put a child to sleep, honestly.

Take a warm bath or shower, maybe with soothing lavender soap, brush your teeth, snuggle into bed illumined by a cozy bedside lamp, read a story, say your prayers, then lights out.  Notice what is not a part of that routine? That's right--screens. Blue light emitted from computer, phone, tablet and TV screens inhibits your body's ability to produce melatonin, the chemical that helps facilitate sleep. If you read on a digital device, try using a paper-like e-reader or use the dark mode on your device. I highly recommend no tv's in bedrooms, even yours. In over 30 years of marriage, we've never had a tv in our room and we haven't missed it at all.

As for your weekly day of rest, I cannot tell you exactly how to do that. I can say that it will require preparation and protection. How you structure the days leading up to your sabbath will directly impact how well you are able to unplug and rest on that day. So, keep that in mind as you make and work through your weekly schedule. Let the promise of true rest and relaxation on sabbath day motivate you to faithfully do your tasks every other day of the week.

Flow with the rhythm and honor the rest notes. 

Homemaking rhythms are not static; that is, they never stay the same, but they are strong, regular and repeated. Healthy rhythms, are like that, carrying us along in a beautiful symphony of life. Some seasons we dance through at a vigerous trot, other times we slowly waltz our way through the days. No matter the pace, the music continues to move us along. Instead of fighting the rhythms of our different seasons, we must remain flexible and adjust to the tempo as needed.

We must also honor the rest notes. Rest notes in music act as a pause to either bring relief or create suspense. They also tell the musician when to breathe. Without these pauses the music would be incomplete and the musician would pass out from lack of oxygen. These vital elements help move the musician and listener along on the journey of the song without exhausting them or losing them to boredom or confusion.

As we flow with the healthy, God-honoring rhythms in our lives, let's agree to adjust our tempo as needed. Let's commit to honor that rest which Jesus died to secure for us. When we begin our work from this true Place of Rest, His strength preserves us from exhaustion, boredom and confusion, and leads us into faithful fruitfulness through our homemaking.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

The Lord your God in your midst,The Mighty One, will save;He will rejoice over you with gladness,He will quiet you with His love,He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV

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